Life is hard. And let's face it, whether you are a male or a female, there are a whole host of issues we face during middle age. Raising children, managing blended family needs and elderly parents' needs, and the list goes on. Watching the dated movie Stepmom, provides a window into one middle-aged woman's challenges and opportunities. She has choices to make and the process is messy and imperfect. In the end, by understanding the context for the relationships we have, prioritizing them, and finding meaning in our life, we can experience peace and joy in the midst of it all.

There are two main characters in Stepmom. Jackie is the ex-wife of businessman Luke and the perfect mother of two children. Isabel is younger, a fashion photographer, and soon to be Luke’s new wife. Jackie falls within the middle adulthood stage of life. She juggles divorce, single parenting two children, communicating with Luke’s fiancé, and a terminal illness. She balances caring for herself and her children. Isabel exemplifies early adulthood. She is working toward intimacy by developing her ability to experience an open and supportive relationship with another person without losing her identity in the process (Newman & Newman, 2012). Luke’s attachment to his former spouse causes her to work against isolation as she desires to be connected and have a sense of belonging to his family. Isabel tries to integrate with the family and find her role as a stepmom by developing intimate relationships based on openness, sharing, and mutual trust (Raskin, 1986).  

The two main characters can be viewed in the movie as working through the current stages they are in. There are moments when they both dig their feet in and appear stuck, but they push through. The women navigate the stage between them by being true, real, authentic, and empathic toward one another as they make mistakes. The women do not always handle situations perfectly; they work to be humble, each are resilient, and they continue to communicate with one another.

The significant transition points for both women surround Jackie’s realization that she does not have long to live. When she finds out she has a progressed stage of cancer, she realizes that Isabel will one day be taking care of her children and she must facilitate the transition. There is a gradual weakening of emotional walls as Isabel earns the trust of the children and Jackie learns to let go. The goal of Jackie’s struggle is not to eliminate fear, but rather to have the courage to move forward amidst the fear (Slater, 2003). Isabel can catch up with, if not exceed Jackie in the areas of initiative, intimacy, and generativity (Whitbourne, Sneed & Sayer, 2009) as she catapults to middle adulthood. Faith is not an obvious part of either of their lives. There is a sense of spirituality in Jackie that resembles touches of humanity as she reflects on her children and processes through end of life issues, which ultimately helps them all.

You are resilient. Are you humble? Are you true, real, authentic, and empathic toward others? Are you willing to be seen as imperfect? Moreover, are you willing?

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